Well well now

well, ive been very quiet latley..
much on my mind.. and not a soul to tell or share my thoughts

i dont even know what, or why ive been in this surreal state of mind..

well any way to take my fluttery mind out of what ever state of mind i so often find my self in
i read..
any thing..
and its making me really quiet..
people in skool think im in a bad mood....

no im just very perseptive at the moment thank you very much..
everyone knows when im mad.. no need to ask u can just tell.. i think people think im depressed
or something like that



i have so many books that i want to finish reading.. im dying to finish this one at this very moement..

but i havent posted in such a long time i figured if i dont now i wont..


well to recap on this past week.. or weekend... i broke up with randi... not to thrilling...
i went through a homicidal rampage...

saved my neighbors dog.. and well eventually calmed back down to my sences... and now we're back together

it strikes me odd.. how i let everything that happens between us get to me ..
with the other things i hate to actually admit i was intimate with.. i didnt let things faze me
i would always win
or at least feel better when i told them off...
this one.... the pain actually comes back to me.. when i say something to upset her

it indeed burns me..


passion creates passion something i heard today... and i immediatley thought of you
my stomach fluttered with embarassment towards my self... as if others could hear and see my thoughts.. and the conversations i have with my self in my head

crazy?
no.. pensative
thinking in a defferent state of mind...


something ive been thinking about latley


your mind is infinity...


you can be...and do anything when you imagine it..

my mind is so unlimited and i have a crazy imagination


fact... we only use... at most.. 15 Percent of out brain normally 11

the rest... whhats it there for??

im not positive but i have an idea..

i believe.. thinking... openly.. entirley and unlimitedly

i can tap in to a fraction of what normal people dont know how to use


but .. well its just a thought..

nothing more then an idea running though my river of thoughts

. . . .

I have nothing mroe to say...
i completely give up..
on everything
life isnt worth half of this shit any more
no more
no more air
no more breathing
only a blurry vision
a pale color blue
and suffocation

Call it after math
Such a lovley color for you

Taught that everyone else is dirrty.. their Love is meaningless

Cold and silent,
soiled face I will wash it all away,
With my love,
That's all she's ever needed, from me
It's my time, to mother,
One of my own in my life,
I am so alone,
left with no one In my life,
I'm so alone
Life submissiveness, Hypnotizing the ignorant a little boy's best friend's always his mother,
At least that's what she said, Life of a simple man,
Taught that everyone else is dirty,
And their love is meaningless,
I'm just a soiled dirty boy

My mood: silent
My every inch hurts with out you

I feel lost at words..
you cannot tame every aspect of my life


It Was your fault..
if you indeed, refuse to acknowledge this important piece of information, a fact
Our realtionship will Infact be no more
Its not that i wish to blame this on you. it is souly the fact that it Is Because of You
Over something stupid, something as harmless as a friend, that i have clearly a shortage of.
I spend All of my time when i have anyto give straight to you
i hang out once with someone other than you. when i wanted you to be there and you hang up on me to take irrational steps that i dont even think i can handle with out my heart being ripped from me
I feel this noose its so tight, around my neck you cant see it
but i can feel it

this is so rediculous.. the dream that i had the other night finaly came back to me..
it wasnt lost in my shortterm people like me dont forget forever... it just hides in the back of my mind.. until the story unravels.. until its time to see what everythings really about
yea i just sent that to you..
but you wont understand it.. because i wont explain it


Dont you know,Time Waits for No man..? Our Fate, Is on Plan
I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night
Can't find, a reason why
God came, to you and I
If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go Hold tight to your love, cause you never know
Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
We spent more time together but it was never enough
Perfectly honest and complete, Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
So I decided one day,
to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears
But honey's only response, was a face full of tears
I felt like moth that got himself too close to the light
Except i didnt burn, i turned cold after this night
i find it hard to speak openly when people spoke to me
this is not t he way i envisioned like would be

At night in my room, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared

At least i got to see what True love really was, But it Hurts me to see what True Love really does

FUck

i was in a bad mood.. and i posted some mean shit just now... but i re read what i wrote this monring about you.. and it made my heart feel not so heavy
That,... and a whole lot of chocolate..
Halloween was alright,. its weird not drinking or smoking,, simply not being intoxicated on halloween period is weird... sober is odd on holidays.
i guess its for the better a lot of old friends.. i guess if thats what i wanna call them, turned in to druggies.. and people that didnt use to drink or smoke at all.. are picking it up more and more.. it kind of sux.. makes me wanna roll it up light it up inhallee exhaaallee Lol DORK
Randi killed my high today tho... i was so hyper i was literally buggin face.. then she attacked with a quick witted snotty atitude,, and i shut up and didnt say n e thing... then she was all like WUTS WRONG.. nothing.... LIAR ... no..... WHATS WRONG... NOTHING
yeah.. than she drove me home. oh well i might as well go to sleep.. maybe i wont see her for a good while... than shell miss me.. and i wont care...
if i dissapeared.. im sure no one would miss me... im a fuckin loser.. well anywho..
heres that dumb letter thing i started writing to her.. that i never wrote down on paper.



when i woke up this morning... i had realized i dreamt about you
when i woke up this morning i was only thinking about you
Babe..
i really have this thing for you
I fell
And I fell really hard
im in love with you
im all yours Pookie
no one but yours
I love spending my time with you
in my life, theres no else one but you
Nothing but Us
I hate when we fight
But you look so cute when your mad
i love making you laugh.. on the counta you my this funny smile from ear to ear that cracks me up even more than we're already laughing
I love the way you fit so perfectly in my arms
i love your lips the way they feel when we kiss
I love you More than my words can say it..
I feel like we were meant to be
I hope this hunch that i have is right
Id Love to spend the rest of my life with you at my side
You make me feel so strong
I feel like the world stops when you hold my hand
I woke up thinking about you
I think I had a dream about us
But its too hazy to remember
I wanna put all my trust in you
Cuz there really is No one else but you
You make my heart skip beats