Well well now

well, ive been very quiet latley..
much on my mind.. and not a soul to tell or share my thoughts

i dont even know what, or why ive been in this surreal state of mind..

well any way to take my fluttery mind out of what ever state of mind i so often find my self in
i read..
any thing..
and its making me really quiet..
people in skool think im in a bad mood....

no im just very perseptive at the moment thank you very much..
everyone knows when im mad.. no need to ask u can just tell.. i think people think im depressed
or something like that



i have so many books that i want to finish reading.. im dying to finish this one at this very moement..

but i havent posted in such a long time i figured if i dont now i wont..


well to recap on this past week.. or weekend... i broke up with randi... not to thrilling...
i went through a homicidal rampage...

saved my neighbors dog.. and well eventually calmed back down to my sences... and now we're back together

it strikes me odd.. how i let everything that happens between us get to me ..
with the other things i hate to actually admit i was intimate with.. i didnt let things faze me
i would always win
or at least feel better when i told them off...
this one.... the pain actually comes back to me.. when i say something to upset her

it indeed burns me..


passion creates passion something i heard today... and i immediatley thought of you
my stomach fluttered with embarassment towards my self... as if others could hear and see my thoughts.. and the conversations i have with my self in my head

crazy?
no.. pensative
thinking in a defferent state of mind...


something ive been thinking about latley


your mind is infinity...


you can be...and do anything when you imagine it..

my mind is so unlimited and i have a crazy imagination


fact... we only use... at most.. 15 Percent of out brain normally 11

the rest... whhats it there for??

im not positive but i have an idea..

i believe.. thinking... openly.. entirley and unlimitedly

i can tap in to a fraction of what normal people dont know how to use


but .. well its just a thought..

nothing more then an idea running though my river of thoughts

. . . .

I have nothing mroe to say...
i completely give up..
on everything
life isnt worth half of this shit any more
no more
no more air
no more breathing
only a blurry vision
a pale color blue
and suffocation

Call it after math
Such a lovley color for you

Taught that everyone else is dirrty.. their Love is meaningless

Cold and silent,
soiled face I will wash it all away,
With my love,
That's all she's ever needed, from me
It's my time, to mother,
One of my own in my life,
I am so alone,
left with no one In my life,
I'm so alone
Life submissiveness, Hypnotizing the ignorant a little boy's best friend's always his mother,
At least that's what she said, Life of a simple man,
Taught that everyone else is dirty,
And their love is meaningless,
I'm just a soiled dirty boy

My mood: silent
My every inch hurts with out you

I feel lost at words..
you cannot tame every aspect of my life


It Was your fault..
if you indeed, refuse to acknowledge this important piece of information, a fact
Our realtionship will Infact be no more
Its not that i wish to blame this on you. it is souly the fact that it Is Because of You
Over something stupid, something as harmless as a friend, that i have clearly a shortage of.
I spend All of my time when i have anyto give straight to you
i hang out once with someone other than you. when i wanted you to be there and you hang up on me to take irrational steps that i dont even think i can handle with out my heart being ripped from me
I feel this noose its so tight, around my neck you cant see it
but i can feel it

this is so rediculous.. the dream that i had the other night finaly came back to me..
it wasnt lost in my shortterm people like me dont forget forever... it just hides in the back of my mind.. until the story unravels.. until its time to see what everythings really about
yea i just sent that to you..
but you wont understand it.. because i wont explain it


Dont you know,Time Waits for No man..? Our Fate, Is on Plan
I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night
Can't find, a reason why
God came, to you and I
If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go Hold tight to your love, cause you never know
Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad
We spent more time together but it was never enough
Perfectly honest and complete, Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak
It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks
So I decided one day,
to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears
But honey's only response, was a face full of tears
I felt like moth that got himself too close to the light
Except i didnt burn, i turned cold after this night
i find it hard to speak openly when people spoke to me
this is not t he way i envisioned like would be

At night in my room, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared

At least i got to see what True love really was, But it Hurts me to see what True Love really does

FUck

i was in a bad mood.. and i posted some mean shit just now... but i re read what i wrote this monring about you.. and it made my heart feel not so heavy
That,... and a whole lot of chocolate..
Halloween was alright,. its weird not drinking or smoking,, simply not being intoxicated on halloween period is weird... sober is odd on holidays.
i guess its for the better a lot of old friends.. i guess if thats what i wanna call them, turned in to druggies.. and people that didnt use to drink or smoke at all.. are picking it up more and more.. it kind of sux.. makes me wanna roll it up light it up inhallee exhaaallee Lol DORK
Randi killed my high today tho... i was so hyper i was literally buggin face.. then she attacked with a quick witted snotty atitude,, and i shut up and didnt say n e thing... then she was all like WUTS WRONG.. nothing.... LIAR ... no..... WHATS WRONG... NOTHING
yeah.. than she drove me home. oh well i might as well go to sleep.. maybe i wont see her for a good while... than shell miss me.. and i wont care...
if i dissapeared.. im sure no one would miss me... im a fuckin loser.. well anywho..
heres that dumb letter thing i started writing to her.. that i never wrote down on paper.



when i woke up this morning... i had realized i dreamt about you
when i woke up this morning i was only thinking about you
Babe..
i really have this thing for you
I fell
And I fell really hard
im in love with you
im all yours Pookie
no one but yours
I love spending my time with you
in my life, theres no else one but you
Nothing but Us
I hate when we fight
But you look so cute when your mad
i love making you laugh.. on the counta you my this funny smile from ear to ear that cracks me up even more than we're already laughing
I love the way you fit so perfectly in my arms
i love your lips the way they feel when we kiss
I love you More than my words can say it..
I feel like we were meant to be
I hope this hunch that i have is right
Id Love to spend the rest of my life with you at my side
You make me feel so strong
I feel like the world stops when you hold my hand
I woke up thinking about you
I think I had a dream about us
But its too hazy to remember
I wanna put all my trust in you
Cuz there really is No one else but you
You make my heart skip beats

Slacker..

Havent been here in a while...
Long time no post.. Lmao Damn im corny
any who ive been so lazy... im not feling so hot today either.. i feel dizzy n i havent even drugged up yet
Oh... i broke my ass the other day at my girls house.. haha that was funny.. the next day i couldnt walk to save my life... so if i was being chased by a minutaur i would have been ass raped by the horns on his head
Zah... todays my third day offfrom skool... i didnt want to wake , and i cant findmy house key so i would have been locked out any way..
my goal today is to clean everything up... ive been such a mess latley i guess thats from being lazy...
i need to find my keys my wallet... my brain.... and my english essay that still at this very moment needs to be printed out.....


lOL IM BACK
A couple of days later.. its saturday.
i can walk on my foot now... but when it rains.. and when its cold it hurts...
Im so rediculous
well any who.. i went to skool thursday and friday.. i really did not want to wake up
but i did.. and every one asked me how iwas.. of coarse miserable...
i hadnt fought with the wifey in a while...and before she left she once again reminded me that she doesnt trust me.. i wwas soo upset.. klnowing i wasnt going to see her for a few days..
i tried not to bother her... on the counta she was in florida.. and i was upest and well all i wanted to do was complain.. so i called her anyway
said what i had to say and no reaction.... this upset me even more
same thing the next day... no reaction...
she called me this mroning. and i was ncie,... im not gonnabother being upset.. when she gets here later on tonight we will talk about this like adults.... and hopefully fix things with out me or her crying... or... me wanting to choke the life out of her..
all i know is that i cant stop thinking about her.... damn i got it bad.. balls in an iron vice...
but for somereason.. i feel like putting up with this because i really care about this girl..
i love her, for her.. eventho we both get on eachothers nerves .. and even tho shes so touchy when you say thigns a certain way... i put up with it... not because i have to... i want to... i feel like this really could really wORK who said love was easy?
i cant make her trust me... and vice versa.. its something u have to gain slowly.. and im stuborn and impatient.. and well so is she...
i think its worth putting up with ill prove to her.. that i love her.. and that she can trust me.. even thoi feel like i shouldnt have too.. i wil cuz.. well i want to

i love my pookie bear

Another day

Well to start things off...

I stayed home today!! whooop whooop!

That was fun ^_^ this morning i started tor ead death note... an anime and... i just well i just didnt feel like going..
I told my mom i woke up late ... when she got up i t was like 645 and she was like Take a shower and get ready!

I Nodded and walked away... instead i just kind of starting drawing a self portrait.. it was the funniest thing ive ever seen i made myself look like an old lady,.. my mom told me it looked like meduca... but alright


kind of just chilled around until they left.. and then i started cleaning i watched maury and 8 some soup with spinach like around 1030.. then at 130 iate two tacos lettuce tomattoos and rice.. damn it was good

then i watch family guy LOL and took a shower around 130 my mom came home... n then left back to work... usualy everyday routine...


but instead.. of gelling up my hair.. i blowdried and flat ironed it.. and to tell you the truth it looks really nice

Tomorrow it should look nicer cuz itll have some of my natural oils in it... and i wonyt have to brush it as much...


then like around 530... iate again.. 2 hotdogs... rice and beans.. with a snapple


not bad.. but i feel fat right now sitting here typing all of this... blah...


i did laundry all day.. and now i have to fold it.., damn theres a lot...


but anywho... today me and randi actually had a ncie conversation for once....


there wasnt n e thing mean said... except her calling me a fucking idiot.. but i think.. at least i hope she meant it in a good way


my ear lately has been ringing so much.. it caused me to post up on my myspace this Qoute i made up

"for all of you Losers.. that like to talk shit Thanks for making me the center of your universe.. but seriously.. get a fucking life"

Lawl it made me feel better...
but honestly i think the people talking shit are randi and her dad.. i honestly wouldnt be surprised
i dont know what to think about her i like her a lot but shes really problematic...




any who.. yesterday... i was talking about how she was beautiful.. and she said she wasnt.. and ofcoarse i said yes you are babe at least to me..

and then she went of.. But i made her feel dumb.. she said "just because u apologized doesnt mean im over it.." and i bugged out.. like wut the fuck bitch why are youbringing this arguement up every 10 fucking minutes... and i told her.. that i didnt apologize.. and i wasnt going too and she was like "wow your fucking amazing.." thats when i said alright yo .. im gonna gucking go just leave it alone.. then she whooped out... that No baby dont leave everyone always walks away from me why are you leaving? and i straight up said because im gonna be the bigger person... i dont wanna talk about it anymore its done now leave it alone u can talk about it by yourself.. no even better talk about it with drea

of coarse sarcastically

and she comes out with this No im at work bullshit but im sure if she wasnt at work she probably would have talked to drea about it.. n they both woulda been sitting there talking shit about yours truely

any way i put up an away message and left.. and her last two messages were.. i will try to come over if you want.. im leaaving now...

it was pouring,.. and dark and she never came.. n called me frmo her house.. o well she kind of makes me mad

thats whyi was so surprised that today she didnt start talking shit or anything i thought it was rather amazing...


well now that i just reread eveything and realized most of my blogs are about randi... im going to go fold some clothes... dammit im a lsoer... thank god no ones ever gonna read any of this nonsence but me... its back to family guyyy Chau blogger!

Its been a while

Damn, after that first blog, i havent really put in any time on writing anything... i guess i really should

i've noticed that about my self... i dont really apply my self, i like to procrastinate ::i cant spell very well:: thats shits frickkkeen baddd

i have to start looking for colleges soon.. for my computer programming major... that or computer tech in general ill make it big with computers for sure thats my bet.. i just need to really get my ass goin on this train or im going to get left behind.

i started this computer business class.. its kind of boring but i guess its a good thing its helping me learn how to type with the "right fingers". at first i thought it waas a waste of my time but if i keep goin with it ill be a really fast typer


ANY WHO Ive been spending a lot of time with Randi
omg this weekend..
in general But now she started work with her pops. during the week i cant see her anymore only the weekends. but damn this weekend was good enough to hold me for a week


i dont think ive ever spent so much time with a person, the last person i spent that much time was sarina and i know how that turned out.

but this was absolutley amazing, "i think i fell" forreal though its crazi

We have a lot in common but at the same time we're really different,

We're both Aries... and DAMN does that start trouble.. we Butt heads CONSTANTLY! i dont know what im gonna do with her when i get older, im probably gonna knock her out one day, but any who this Saturday and Sunday we spent together-Literally she slept over. :::hahaha my evil plan of seduction was a successss:::: i fattend her up n fed her dinner n stuff on saturday ... then we both made breakfast the next morning ... well she did she cooked it any way, it was funn. we felt mad fat after that (damn pancakes) and chilled in my room ::wink wink Nudge nudge:: it was one of those do not disturb moments haha we did it more than twice is all i have to say LAWL


but shiiiiittt i enjoyed it.. right now shes bitchin at me .. cuz i dont know why. i told her im really in love with her.. and she freaked... i told her i had to love her cuz she surived the weekend with me but she told me that that didnt mean anything.

I have to like someone a lot for them to spend more than 24 house with me i think if not it would be a little extream for just "friends"

any whothis is the convo.. for future reference for the most part it started out good.. until i said that thing about surviving the weekend with me was a miracle

boBroKeNdrEamS: baby you are so fukin sexy i wish i could be between your thighs right now x6PsYcHo9x: yessssssss yess i indeed thought i was awsome LOL
boBroKeNdrEamS: your so amazing
x6PsYcHo9x: babe...
boBroKeNdrEamS: baby i want you in my pants.. and you in mine. got the point.. i think
boBroKeNdrEamS: yeah baby
x6PsYcHo9x: i needa tell u something but im kinda scared... cuz i dont know if ur taking me seriously i think this is where i started to make my mistake...
boBroKeNdrEamS: tell me baby.. whats going on haha got her thinking on that one tho..
x6PsYcHo9x: i really think im in love with you BOOOOOOO!
boBroKeNdrEamS: how do you figure... i mean i want you to love me but are you sure. i'm fallin but i'm tryin to slow it down cuz i don wanna push things This kinda crushed me a little
x6PsYcHo9x: i know... i dont want you to hurt mex hence why i said this in the first place..
6PsYcHo9x: i feel like im gonna fall on my face... and ur not gonna be there to catch me . . . . .
boBroKeNdrEamS: i'm here baby:-) i'm jus sacred and i don wanna rush into somethin that were not ready for. liz you mean so much to me.. i don wanna loose you or hurt you hmm alright ur getting theree
x6PsYcHo9x: u know i love u..... i spent more than 24 hours with ur crazi ass and i didnt kill you BOO YOU LIZ U KILLED IT YOU DUMBASS
BroKeNdrEamS: that don't mean anythin. . . . . .
x6PsYcHo9x: ZAH IT DOES UR STILL ALIVE oh no ....
boBroKeNdrEamS: okay what ever you say grrr that what ever white girl shit ::anger startin ti boil at this point
x6PsYcHo9x: BABY IM KIDDING DONT BE MAD im a fucking pussy WTF
boBroKeNdrEamS: i'm not WAIT... IT DIDNT HIT ME UNTIL JUST NOW IM JUST A FUCKING DOUCHE BAG JESUS LORD MARY JOSEPH PINNOCHIO! AH I CANT REAAAAAAADDDDD
x6PsYcHo9x: ew
x6PsYcHo9x: alright go ahead n kill it
boBroKeNdrEamS: what are you tlkm about
x6PsYcHo9x: idont know what r u talking about when us ay ur not kidding'?? ur not kidding with what
?x6PsYcHo9x: FUCK CRYIN OUT LOUD
boBroKeNdrEamS: wow woobie bea
x6PsYcHo9x: why wow ...
boBroKeNdrEamS: cuz you love me i'm not worth anyone time or attention
x6PsYcHo9x: im so lost.. i feel liek you threw a rock at my 4head
boBroKeNdrEamS: i'm a piece of shyt . i don deserve you baby.
x6PsYcHo9x: why are you saying that??
x6PsYcHo9x: do you not want to be with me? cuz instead of tryina convince me that ur an asshole... just break up with me and ill know your an asshole
I CANT EVEN PUT THE REST UP

IM SO STOOPID.. god it got ugly after that.... i feel like crawling under a rock and bleeding to death right now


i had such a good weekend.... and because of my illiterate ignorant ass... that cant fuckin read or spell... i fucking JACKED IT ALL Up I FEEL SO STOOPID I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

god.. help this lost soul

boBroKeNdrEamS: i don wanna think about this anymore. you think that i don care and that i don love you, so think that.

MY WORLD ... is CRUSHED..

my left ears ringing like crazi... i feel like killin something damn..

well it could be Randi.. which is most likley.. and Anna whom i am speaking to at this very moment.. its probably both


well any who.. while i try to fill this hole i dug my self into ill try n think about something else...

well how about that dmvvv i should really go soon....

that and apply for colleges

but i get easily distracted with family guy episodes... hmm i can do both!

and wait S A T 's! i need to sign up for them before its too late for my dumb ass


im gonna go do that peace....